


The Understanding

by Elf_Kid



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Friendly Neighborhood Gangster, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, POV Outsider, Piracy, discussions of Wardrobe Malfunction, misogyny mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-01-20 23:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21290192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elf_Kid/pseuds/Elf_Kid
Summary: Megamind, Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy, is willing to come to an... Understanding about certain things.It's hard to explain to people who don't live in Metro City.
Comments: 127
Kudos: 405





	1. Chapter 1

“Heyyy, Nightowl!” Metro Man called, swooping down to the rooftop where the grey-hooded hero crouched among the gargoyles. “There you are! What are you doing brooding up here? There’s a Victory Party to attend!”

“I don’t do parties,” Nightowl growled. “And can we really call this a victory?! People were hurt today, Metro Man. People almost died.”

“But they didn’t.” Metro Man tried to look him in the eye, but Nightowl’s mirror-lensed goggles made it difficult. “We rescued a lot of people. We stopped Duke Doom and Duchess Death from launching the missiles and triggering a nuclear war. _ We saved the world! _Don’t you think it would be worth it to celebrate? Just this once?” he asked, his smile radiating sincerity.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think I can handle being around to much booze right now, you know what I mean?” Nightowl scowled and began to pace along the narrow ledge of the rooftop. “All these crazy Villains trying to take over the city, trying to conquer the planet. All the bombs, and the screams, and rescues, and the fighting, and the…” He shook his head as if to clear it, then turned back to Metro Man. “It’s enough to drive any man to drink, but I’m staying out of the bottle for good this time and that means not going to the victory party.”

“That’s a shame,” Metro Man said. “People like seeing their heroes celebrate-”

“And you always give people what they want, don’t you?” Nightowl retorted. Metro Man sighed, and turned to stare out at the still-smoking twilight city.

“Maybe. Some days I wish I _ could _ get a bit of buzz, let the liquor take the edge off for once.” He grinned, self-depreciating. “I wonder which is worse- alcohol addiction, or the complete inability to get raving drunk?” 

“It’s hard to say,” Nightowl replied. He stilled for a moment and looked thoughtfully at the white-clad, eternally sober Hero. “Have you ever considered moving out to the East Coast permanently? The League of Heroes could really use a hero of your abilities- for more than just the world-threatening emergencies.” 

Metro Man shook his head.

“I can’t leave Metro City,” he said, not without regret. “I have a responsibility to the people there. If I left, Megamind would be Overlord of the City within a week, and-”

“Megamind?!” Nightowl scoffed. “He’s a joke! A pushover! I’m sure the MCPD is more than capable of handling him, and if not than some kid with a mask will rise up and teach that third-rate villain his place. Where there’s evil, good will rise up against it. If you join the League of Justice as a full-time member, you’ll be able to put your abilities to good use and start fighting REAL Supervillains. Like we did today, right?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Metro Man snapped. “Megamind is dangerous. I’ve been _ trying _ not to think about what sort of havoc he’s been causing while I’m helping with things out here, but tomorrow I’m going to have to deal with it, and-”

“Havoc? I thought you said he was in jail!” Nightowl tilted his head. “Even if Megamind has somehow managed to escape the MC Prison For the Criminally Gifted- which is ranked as one of the Top 50 villain containment facilities in the country- within the last _ fifteen hours _ since you left, what would he even do? Set off a paint-bomb? Steal a copy of the Mona Lisa?” He smirked. “The man is ridiculous. I mean, remember that thing with the robot unicorn? His henchman was giving out snacks and balloon animals, for pete’s sake!”

“Yeah? Tell me something, Oh Great and Wise Owl, how do you know about the Unicorn Incident?”

“Everyone knows about the Unicorn Incident, Metro Man. The video clip from that ‘Megamind Experience’ thing went viral. There was a ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketch about it. Now tell me- how can you take a guy like that seriously?”

“That’s the thing,” Metro Man said seriously. “Megamind was in charge of everything that went on-air for the ‘Megamind Experience’ event. _ He _ broadcast-ed that fight, specifically, as part of a twisted Evil Publicity/Kidnapping/Attempted Murder stunt.” Metro Man looked the other Hero in the eyes.

“Megamind is a certifiable Evil Genius. He has tried to conquer my city hundreds of times. Do you really think that there weren’t other Videos he could have shown that would make him look more impressive, more intimidating, more ‘dangerous’?” Metro Man laughed, short and bitter. “You saw what he wanted you to see.”

Nightowl stood stalk still for a moment as the words sunk in.

“So, you’re claiming all that that ridiculous display with the robot unicorn and the rainbow and everything was a… tactic of misdirection?” he tapped his talons to his mask, thinking. “Makes sense; it is rather difficult to embarrass yourself that badly by accident. So what does it look like when he’s really trying?” Metro Man pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It looks like a combination of a rock concert, Saturday Morning Cartoon Show, and a delusionally self-aggrandizing speech. And the scary part is, he can make it work. Sometimes, he even comes close to victory against me!”

“Come _ close, _” Nightowl replied. “Most villains who’ve been in the game as long as he has have won at least a few fights against their nemesis. The best you can say about Megamind is that he ‘almost wins’ sometimes. Now why am I not concerned about him?”

“First off, consider what you just said," Metro Man said, counting off on his fingers. "Most villains who have been in the game _ as long as he has _ don’t _ stay _ in the game by being weak or easy to take down. There is such a thing as in-fighting, and Megamind has been the undisputed Master of All Villainy in Metro City for years. 

“Second of all, I don’t lose fights. And before you say anything, that’s not a boast; it’s a verifiable fact. I have Grade-5 super-strength, laser-eyes, non-debilitating hyper-sensory abilities, superhuman lung capacity, and flight. I never get sick. I have no allergies. I am bullet-proof, flame-proof, laser-proof, immune to every dangerous chemical I’ve ever come into contact with, and- so far as anyone’s been able to determine thus far- basically invulnerable. _ Megamind has almost won against me. _”

“When you put it like that…” Nightowl leaped onto a snarling gargoyle and stared down at Metro Man. “If what you say true, why haven’t you- or anyone else- ever taken him down? If he’s that powerful, he should be in a prison that can actually hold him! The Deep-Atlantic SuperMax, perhaps?”

“The Metro City Prison For The Criminally Gifted is one of the Top 50 Villain Containment Facilities in America. It has a very strong track record for security, and the Warden is familiar with Megamind’s mode of operations. They’re even working on redesigning Megamind’s cell for extra security! 

“The Deep-Atlantic SuperMax, on the other hand, uses systems based on Megamind’s old tech that they… acquired a few years ago. The place had to be completely rebuilt TWICE; it’s safety record is sketchy at best. In addition to that, the Atlantians have been lobbying to shut down that place for years. And did you know that Megamind’s most loyal right-hand man is a sentient FISH?” Metro Man laughed. “He’d be out in less than a month.”

“There is a more… permanent solution,” Nightowl said solemnly. “You know I don’t advocate murder, but the man is an evil alien bent on conquest. The jury would understand- if they even count killing an evil blue alien as murder.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“You’ve said yourself that no prison could hold him. Tell me off the record, hero to hero. How many lives could you save by taking Megamind out of the picture for good?”

“He’s never killed anyone,” Metro Man said softly. He took a deep breath, then released it. “He’s never killed anyone. In all the years since Megamind became a supervillain, with all the robots, lasers, bombs, and ‘objects of mayhem’ he’s set loose against the city, against _ me _, not one person has ever died.”

“That’s impossible!” Nightowl growled. “No Villain works that long- no Villain SURVIVES that long- without a little blood on his hands! It just doesn’t work that way.”

“For Megamind, that’s exactly how it works,” Metro Man replied, dead serious. “Megamind has never killed anyone, as far as I know. He keeps the other villains of Metro City from becoming powerful enough to do large-scale damage. There’s an… understanding.”

“Understanding?!” Nightowl screeched, eyes suddenly glowing, golden and angry. “What the _ Hell _ is going on in your city, Metro Man? What’s the deal with Megamind?” He stared and his fellow hero with an intensity that had caused hardened criminals to cower in fear. “Damnit, Metro Man! What’s really going in?”

“You’d have to live Metro City to understand.” he said.

With that, Metro Man turned and flew away, leaving Nightowl standing among the gargoyles.

* * *

Later that evening, Metro Man was photographed with several members of the League of Heroes, toasting to the safety of the planet and the defeat of Duke Doom and Duchess Death. 

The following afternoon, flying with very little sleep but no hangover at all, he returned to Metro City.

In his absence, Megamind had robbed six banks and evaded police custody with the aid of a terrifyingly insidious musical mind-control device that he called ‘The Hokey Pokey of Destruction’. 

Metro Man was able to stop the device, but most of the money was never recovered.

* * *

Over the next several months, anonymous donations totalling to $65,000 were made to the Metro City Minority Student Scholarship Foundation, St. Moses The Black’s Halfway House, Honest Antonio’s Auto-Repair Shop, and the Rainbow Youth Homeless Shelter.

But you understand that that's not relevant to the conversation at all. Not even worth mentioning. To anyone.


	2. Pirate

There is a pirate ship sinking in Lake Michigan. 

It had been a good pirate ship: made of dark-colored wood, with a snarling sea-monster figurehead at the prow and some scarily effective laser-cannons on deck. This magnificent pirate ship, which had terrorized the shipping lanes of the Great Lakes for the past two months, was now being claimed by the tides.

“So much for a captain always going down with his ship,” Metro Man quipped as the deck sank beneath the water.

Megamind stood on the deck of a Coast Guard boat, soaked to the bone and under the watchful eyes of four burly crewmembers. For a moment he seemed sad as he watched the magnificent ship sink- but then he caught Metro Man looking and scowled. 

“Ye can’t keep a Pirate King down for long, matey!” he shouted, making a game attempt at shaking his fist while handcuffed. “I’ll get you yet, you scurvy dog, and then Metrocity will kneel before the might of MEGAMIND: Incredibly Handsome Pirate Scallywag and Master of the Seven Seas!”

“This. Is. A. LAKE!” Metro Man snarled. “That dumb pirate-ship never touched a drop of salt-water and you know it! And would you _ please _ stop with that _ hokey pirate talk _?!”

“Piracy is piracy; local salinization levels are irrelevant,” Megamind said flatly, dropping the accent. “And since you’ve destroyed Glauketas the Parrot of Piracy, my ship, _ and _ the map to the loot-”

“You actually made a map to where you put the stolen goods?!” The Coast-Guards looked extremely interested. Megamind had stolen quite a lot of merchandise ( ...all of it perfectly legal merchandise, of course; it wasn’t as if any of the ships were trafficking drugs or contraband; that would be ridiculous…) over the past two months. Megamind smiled evilly as he replied..

“Yes, of course I made a treasure map. I am- was- a pirate Captain; it’s what you do. Of course...” he paused dramatically, raising an eyebrow. The surrounding Metro Man and the nearby Coast Guards drew in closer as Megamind turned away from the wreck of his ship and faced his audience.

“The map was destroyed when Metro Man attacked the ship,” he finished, steepling his fingers. “If that fire didn’t destroy it, the water will have. Oh well, Cie la Vie. I suppose the forces of Good should have made sure I didn’t have anything they wanted to steal before they went and destroyed my things.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve talking like that, you little son of a-”

“Ah, ah ah!” Megamind crowed. “You wouldn’t want to disappoint your mother by using bad language, now would you?” he said, tilting his head toward the cabin, in which Lady Tiffany Scott- Metro Man’s mother- was being treated for hypothermia. The waters of Lake Michigan are cold even in June, and one cannot expect hostages to always be entirely unharmed. 

Metro Man _ snarled _ his expression dark and dangerous- and then he seemed to flicker, to disappear for just the barest instant, and he was smiling his trademark grin again, and it was only slightly hard-edged. It was so fast, one could hardly say for certain whether or not it had happened at all.

“If you gentlemen don’t mind, I think I ought to take Megamind back shore and have him put in police custody,” he said, tone friendly yet authoritative. The Captain looked him in the eye.

“We will of course turn him over to you,” he replied. “And I trust that the waterways in this area will be safe again, for _ quite some time. _” The Captain had a mother as well, as did most of his crew. 

If Megamind arrived at the police station bleeding and unable to walk, the Coast Guard would be willing to testify that the injuries had occurred during the shipwreck.

Metro Man swooped down and threw Megamind over his shoulder fireman-style, waved a salute towards the Coast Guard, and flew away towards the Metro City harbor. He and Megamind would be having _ words _ before he turned him over to the police.

* * *

They landed on top of the Stanton-Price Building: not the tallest skyscraper in the Metro City skyline, but then, it didn’t need to be. Megamind only stumbled a little as Metro Man set him down on the concrete roof. The early-evening sun was casting its rays on them: a drenched and shivering supervillain in black pirate motley and a pissed-off superhero in slightly singed white uniform, alone at the top of a tower.

Megamind was very carefully aware of the edge, and the drop, and the fact there wasn’t an entrance to the main building on this particular rooftop. It didn't have to be the tallest skyscraper in town to be_ too tall to survive being pushed from_.

“Do you have something to say, Hero?” he drawled, shivering slightly as breeze touched his still-dripping costume. “Or are we just stopping here so you can catch your breath?” Metro Man loomed over him, both feet planted firmly on the ground.

“I want you to stop targeting my family.”

“And I want to rule this city with an iron fist,” Megamind replied, examining his nails. “I’m sure we could find an arrangement in which we both get what we want. What say you, and the Scott family, leave Metrocity and cede the title of Overlord to me?” Metro Man glared.

“Counter-proposal: _ you _ stop trying to take over the city, and _ never touch my Mother again _ , and _ I’ll _ refrain from drop-kicking you off a building.” Megamind threw his head back and laughed.

“You really expect me to believe you’d commit murder, Metro Mahn? I’m sorry, but you can’t seriously expect me to believe you’d risk tarnishing your pristine reputation like that.”

“Never underestimate how far a good man will go to protect his family,” Metro Man said, eyes hard. Megamind just shook his head.

“Again with that pretentious alias, Wayne! But I suppose you are _technically_ an adult now. Old enough to drink and everything! So I suppose I _really should_ stop mocking you for calling yourself a _man_, even if you did start at 16.”

“Get off your high horse,” he retorted. “You’re a few months younger than me! And don’t try to change the subject. What the hell makes you think it’s okay to take my_ mother _ as a hostage?!”

“Is this a real question?” Megamind asked, raising an eyebrow. “First of all, I’m Evil. Kidnapping, blackmail, playing dirty: _it’s kinda my thing_. Second of all, it’s not like I have a huge host of viable hostages to choose from! 

"Your relationship with your father is… imperfect, and you stand to inherit quite a lot of money when he dies, Trust-fund Boy, so he’s right out. You have no extended family in the area, and your close friends are all too irritating for me to voluntarily spend time with even if they _ are _ bound and gagged. You don’t even have a girlfriend!” Megamind shook his head. “Frankly Wayne, Lady Scott is the only truly viable hostage I’ve been able to find to use against you!

“And thirdly,” he continued, voice hard, “It’s not as if you’ve ever hesitated to hurt my family, or to hold my family hostage. I am nothing if not willing to repay all that I am given-- _with interest_.” 

“Wha- wait. What?” Metro Man stared at him. “I… didn’t think you had any family. I’m pretty sure I never saw any blue people aside from you, and even if I did, I think I’d remember holding them hostage. Unless you’re claiming you have a twin and I’ve never met both of you at the same time?” Megamind looked at him with contempt.

“You really are as thick-skulled now as you were in grade-shool. I may be the only blue person on this savage backwater of a planet, but I do have some family here. You’ve met him. We all went to school together, until he had to drop out for safety reasons, of course. Or, if your inferior long-term memory is still giving you trouble, you may recall my First Mate from earlier today. Does that ring any bells for you, goody two-shoes?”

“Minion?” Metro Man shook his head in disbelief. “You.. you’re saying you actually think of that fish as family? I thought he was your pet!”

“You’ve heard Minion talk,” Megamind said flatly. “You’ve witnessed him operating complex machinery. You’ve interacted with him on a semi-regular basis for years. And you thought… that he was a pet.”

“Okay, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound good, but- but come on! It- He- he’s not human! How-”

“_ You _ are not human. _ I _ am not human. I have known Minion my entire life. He is sentient. He is family. And if you hurt one of mine, I will hurt one of yours. Understand?”

“I am too human. And when have I ever-”

“Metro Man. Wayne Scott. You are an alien. Accept it and focus on the topic at hand.”

“_ As I was saying, _ ” Metro Man said through gritted teeth, “When have I _ ever _ threatened Minion or held him hostage? You threatened my mother’s _ life. _ She can’t swim. She could have _ died _ when she fell- when YOU _ dropped her into the Lake _! Now in what twisted version of justice is that a fair version of payback for whatever it is you seem to think I did?!”

“Every time Minion is captured, his life is in danger,” Megamind stated coldly. “Legally, he is considered an animal. People have to stand trial before they’re given the death penalty. There’s a lot less paperwork involved in putting a dangerous animal to sleep.” Metro Man’s eyes widened in understanding, and Megamind went on. “And of course, when he’s captured and I get away, they always try to set up an ambush. Occasionally, they’ll try to do an exchange of hostages: Minion in exchange for the stolen goods!” Megamind smiled suddenly, his grin twisted and too-wide and very, very evil. “Everything I’m given, I pay back with interest.”

“So if people made sure that Minion was safe and well-treated when he was captured, and nobody tried to have him put down or anything, would you stop kidnapping people?” Metro Man asked, heroic authority warring with uncertainty in his voice.

“I’d make sure any hostages in my custody were… well-treated. And perhaps I would refrain from targeting your family members,” he said with a shrug. “But really, I can’t make any promises. I’m the bad guy. A hostage can be a vital bargaining chip in many situations.” Metro Man frowned, and then nodded.

“You understand that if she had died- that if you ever killed anyone- you’d be at the bottom of Lake Michigan with a hole in your head?”

“A watery tomb, out of the clutches of dissection-happy scientists?” Megamind asked, touching his hand to his heart. “That’s very thoughtful of you, to plan such wonderful funeral arrangements for me! I’m touched, I really am.” He smiled again. It was a strange smile, Evil, but strangely sincere, and when he spoke again, there was no doubt in Metro Man’s mind that he meant every word. 

“You understand that if you kill Minion, I’ll make the streets of Metrocity red with blood, starting with the Scotts, and that if you kill me, Minion and my failsafe robots will get revenge on my behalf.”

It wasn’t a question. Metro Man looked him in the eye, his mouth flat.

“I think we understand each other just fine, Megamind”

* * *

They arrived at the police station a few minutes later. 

Megamind was charged with kidnapping, assault with a deadly weapon, fraud, theft, piracy, trafficking, operating a boat without a license, and contempt of court. He was sentenced to a lifetime in prison.

Megamind escaped three weeks later, with the aid of a certain ichthyoid henchman. In subsequent years, Metro Man was rarely able to catch Minion before he escaped to help his Master another day.

On the rare instances when he was brought into police custody, Metro Man quietly made _ certain _ that there was no talk having him put down, and if money changed hands over this matter… well, who’s to know? There were stakes in this war, this feud, this game… and nobody really wanted the stakes to be raised.

There was an… Understanding about these things.


	3. Safe Neighborhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can be hard to find a place to rent.

Mrs. Kaiser unlocked the door to the third floor ‘apartment’ (really a well-renovated attic) and led her new boarder inside.

Jeremy set his bag down with a sigh and looked around the space that would be his home for the next year. There was a low ceiling and wooden floors that almost certainly creaked. On one side, he could see the kitchen area: it was about the size of a postage-stamp, but it included a gleaming-clean kitchen sink and a sturdy wooden table along with the promised stove-top oven, microwave, and mini-fridge. The ‘bedroom’ area was_ mostly_ out of sight- hidden by oriental-style painted screens that partitioned the space- but Jeremy could already tell that it was much smaller than he’d hoped. 

“You know,” he said as he sat down at the table, “If I didn’t know how lucky I was to even _ find _a place for rent this close to the campus, I’d probably be having second thoughts about signing the lease right now.”

“Ha! You wouldn’t find a better place than this, that’s for sure, dearie.” said Mrs. Kaiser as she retrieved the necessary paperwork from her bag. “Now, you’ve already given me your damage deposit. For the utilities, you pay for what you use, so I don’t recommend using more than you need. Rent and insurance money are a flat monthly rate, very reasonable you know, and if you’ll just look this over and sign both copies, we will have come to an agreement.” 

Jeremy looked over the paperwork. Everything seemed to be in order, except…

“The insurance money is separate from the damage deposit, right?” The older lady nodded. “This doesn’t specify the insurance provider, or the type of insurance. What exactly am I paying for, here?”

“It’s just a standard safety insurance fee,” she said, waving a hand dismissively. “It’s part of the package. My boarders pay me, I pay the insurance provider, and we all rest easier for it.” She nodded once, as if that was all that needed to be sad on the matter.

“Listen, Mrs. Kaiser, I wasn’t born yesterday,” Jeremy said,looking her in the eye. “Right now I'm living on minimum wage and the occasional good grace of my family. I have student loans to pay off. I need to buy food, I need to buy some over-priced school books, and I need to pay rent. What I _ don’t _ need is some arbitrary extra ‘insurance fees’ driving up the cost of living! So if this is a scam…” he trailed off, loosing steam at the look the landlady was giving him.

“It’s _ insurance money _ ,” Mrs. Kaiser said, enunciating slowly and carefully. “I mentioned right up front, in my ad even, that this is a _safe neighborhood_.” She paused, noting his expression, and softened slightly. “You’re not from around here, are you, dearie?”

“Wha-? I’m from Lewiston, actually. Still part of Michigan, just not nearly as close to the lakes as Metro City. What’s that got to do with anything?”

“People in Metro City generally understand about making insurance payments,” she said leaning back. “There’s a sort of understanding about it, at least in this part of town. You’ve heard of Megamind, I assume?”

“Who hasn’t? Alien supervillain out to kill Metro Man and take over the world. He’s supposed to be a genius, but he’s most famous for having the lowest success rate on record-”

“That all depends on how you measure success, isn’t it? Metro Man is still alive, that’s true, but Megamind might win against him sooner or later just through sheer stubbornness!” She chuckled, shaking her head.

“But that’s not what you want to hear about, is it, dearie? You want to know about that extra fee with your rent. Well, to put it real blunt and straight-forward... Megamind runs a protection racket in this part of town. As a property owner, I owe him protection money every month on the dot, and he doesn’t like late payments. What that means for my boarders, is a small monthly insurance fee, to be paid with the rent.” 

Jeremy stared at her, then glanced nervously around the clean, spartan space that he had been planning on renting for the next six months at least. The space that was apparently under the _protection_ of a notorious and possibly-insane supervillain.

“Isn’t that- I mean- You said this was a safe neighborhood!” he exclaimed, feeling somehow betrayed. “You said this was a safe part of town, but you’re saying we have to pay tribute to a supervillain crime-boss?! That’s- That’s crazy, that’s illegal, you should do something about it! Call the police, or, or Metro Man! Metro Man would be able to sort it out, right?” Mrs. Kaiser stood up and glared at him.

“You are not going to talk the the cops about this if you want to stay under my roof, young man. Or Metro Man either! Do you think that showboat actually cares what happens to people in this part of town?” She laughed bitterly. “This neighborhood is safe _ because _ we pay protection money to Megamind. You ever heard of Psycho Delic?”

“The drug-lord?” he asked, thrown by the sudden shift in topic. “Yeah, I’ve heard of him. He has his base of operations here in Metro City, right? And he’s supposed to be some kind of super...”

“That’s right dearie. Psycho Delic came to this city about five, six years ago and took over the drug trade almost as soon as he arrived. He’s got this sort of smoke power, see, with just a wave of his fingers he can get you addicted. Stimulants, depressants, roofies, hallucinogens- you name it, he’s got his own monopolized brand of it ready. The cops couldn’t touch him. Metro Man, he made some very nice speeches about addiction and saying ‘no’ to drugs, and he arrested a few dealers and busted a meth lab.” She clenched her fists. “That’s practically nothing! Nothing to stop the problem at the source, and nothing for the victims but sanctimonious sound-bites on the news!”

“I assume that Megamind took more… definitive action, then,” Jeremy said hesitantly. “He probably wasn’t happy about this guy moving in on his territory?” Mrs. Kaiser smiled a hard, satisfied smile that was rather disturbing to see on her elderly, usually sweet-looking face.

“He hunted down Psycho Delic’s lieutenants and took them _ out. _ Four of them were turned into little blue cubes and mailed to the police station in a box lined with enough photo evidence to see them locked up for a long, long time. Rumor has it that the fifth one was fed to the alligators.”

“Wait, Megamind turned these guys into _ cubes _,” Jeremy said, eyes wide, “And having evidence against them is still an issue?!”

* * *

Mrs. Kaiser explained about the de-gun, and how Megamind mostly used the non-lethal settings, _ as far as she knew _.

Jeremy asked, and his landlady talked, and he eventually came to something like an understanding. A small insurance fee really wasn’t unreasonable, all things considered. And in this part of town, there were children playing in the streets without fear of getting shot. In this part of town, you didn’t have to worry about shady drug dealers or random hate crimes. 

This was a safe neighborhood.

Jeremy Cook signed the lease and paid the first month’s rent, plus the insurance fee, upfront. 

Outside, a cluster of brainbots patrolled the darkening city streets, while children drew chalk sketches on the cracked sidewalk. 

In this part of town, there's an…_ understanding _ about such things.


	4. Reputations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Roxanne has an understanding with Megamind.

It’s not something they talk about. 

She does her part; he does his. It’s all little things. The kinds of things that can blend into a routine, the kind of thing nobody would find remarkable enough to comment on. She has a routine. She goes to work; she comes home. Gets kidnapped, at least a few times a month. 

She keeps a half-brick in her purse, but she doesn’t swing it at Megamind or Minion. Anymore. 

She attends a certain number of stiff, high-class social events as Metro Man’s plus-one. She never wears shoes that fall off easily; she’s learned her lesson from that one time with the alligators. She always wears pants on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

They have a system, and it seems to be working fairly well so far. Really, there’s not much to discuss. Why bring it up at all, unless something goes wrong, or unless there’s a new way to improve it? 

So. They don’t talk about it.

There’s a lot of things that Roxanne Ritchi does not talk about.

* * *

When she’s waiting in line at the grocery store and sees some tabloid-headlines about the recent kidnapping of the Mayor’s daughter in NYC, for example, she knows she’ll probably never get the chance to vent about it to anyone. It’s not like she had a huge pack of friends to gossip with, and anyway, why should anyone care what she thinks about a 21-year-old college student being thrust into the public eye, with magazines promising  _ lurid details _ and  _ Pictures Inside _ in between the latest update on drunken pop-stars and movie-star divorces? 

It’s not like her opinion matters to anyone.

Roxanne shook her head at the tabloids as she considered the relevant details of the case. Stacy Madison, a student at Columbia University, was the daughter of Mayor Madison of New York City. She’d been held hostage by Puzzler, and Princess Amazon had saved her from being dropped off the side of a skyscraper. 

Unfortunately, while Stacy Madison was being dangled off the side of the building, the wind flipped her skirt up. 

Worse yet: there were pictures.

It was the sort of thing that gave journalism a bad name. A whole world out there, full of crime, corruption, natural disasters, and even people trying to improve things…. And yet, some people still decided to publish damaging, exploitative reports about a young woman’s displaced skirts. Because apparently, the public thought it had a  _ right to know _ whether there was lace, or cotton. 

The line moved forward. Roxanne exchanged the necessary pleasantries with the clerk as she paid for her gallon of milk and took her receipt. It was neither the time nor the place to speak her mind, and so she kept her thoughts and her rage behind her teeth, smiling politely.

Who exactly was she supposed to talk to about this kind of stuff, anyway? Metro Man had too much on his plate as it was without worrying about villains and damsels outside his jurisdiction. Coworkers? No way in hell was she discussing potentially sensitive subject matter with her fellow nosy reporters. 

She wasn’t stupid.

* * *

She headed out the automatic doors, into the parking lot. The evening sun made her shadow stretch long. 

Yes, she had her secrets, but wouldn't it be nice to have  _ someone _ in her life she could trust enough to tell? 

It was so hard to balance a social life with a career these days.  So hard to find friends; harder still to keep them.  Everyone in her circle was too emotionally disconnected to confide in, or too geographically distant to understand  _ certain issues _ unique to Metro City. 

No wonder she didn't talk about things.

She found her car, unlocked the door, and slung her purse and grocery-bag into the passenger-seat. Some would probably say that she should talk to Wayne about this stuff. She had enough blackmail material on him to afford opening up a little. 

_ In theory. _

She slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door behind her. 

The reality was that, as an invulnerable superhero, Wayne often swung between relying on majority consensus to assess danger, and moving through the world like he’d never heard of consequences. If she tried to explain the…  _ professional courtesy _ that Megamind granted her, Wayne would either tell her she was crazy to trust a Supervillain, or start treating it like a  _ game. _

Newsflash: courteous or not, mutual respect or no, the “game” would never be fair, because  _ Megamind wasn’t invulnerable! _

She locked the door and buckled her seat-belt. 

Courtesy went both ways. Metro Man didn’t need to know.

* * *

Roxanne started the car, and left the parking lot, taking a conscious moment to admire the city at sunset as she went. There were mental-wellness articles saying that it was important to breathe deeply and be mindful of the beauty around you, especially on bad days.

Slanting shafts of light painted the city in shades of orange and gold. The sun was behind her, so she could enjoy the effects without squinting against the brightness. Glass walls and sidewalk puddles reflected molten gold by the evening light…. 

Dark shadows stretched out before her, contrast to and result of the sunset’s blaze of glory.

Roxanne kept her eyes on the road as the late rush hour traffic finally started moving fast enough to make her focus on driving, instead of appreciating the moment. Maybe those wellness articles were onto something, there. She was feeling much calmer. 

She turned on the radio.

_ *kzzch*--after her  _ revealing  _ involvement in the Puzzler’s latest battle of wits against Princess Amazon, some people are wondering if the Madison family really holds to Mayor Madison’s “Family Values” platform. With pictures of Miss Stacy Madison showing off that scrap of black lace at the skyscraper, I can’t blame the--*ktch* _

Radio off. 

Aaaaand, there’s another red light. 

Wonderful.

She just felt like she should be more jaded about it all by now. Jaded about the traffic, which happened every day, and jaded about the media-storms, which happened every time. 

Every. Single. Time. 

It’d been the same way when that actress, Gwendolynne Giles, had that unfortunate encounter with Dr. Despair’s piranha tank. White fabric is transparent when wet. Captain Justice had been able to save her from the blood-thirsty fish, but not from the equally bloodthirsty paparazzi.

The light turned green, and Roxanne faced forwards. There were reasons for the mutually beneficial agreement she had with Megamind. They weren’t doing anything wrong. It was all little things. Preventative measures.

She wore pants on Tuesdays and Thursdays; he guaranteed that hostage set-ups in which pants might be _necessary _only occured on those days. When conditions were cold and/or wet, Roxanne’s restraints always covered her entire torso, collar-bone down: data showed that the viewing public tended to be easily distracted by _certain things_, and Megamind hated to cede the spotlight. A half-dozen other, similar policies prevented wardrobe malfunctions of an embarrassing nature. Because the data clearly showed that such policies were very, very necessary.

It was a matter of practicality. 

For Roxanne, a wardrobe malfunction during a kidnapping could deal substantial damage to her reputation, her career, and her life in general. She could lose her job. As a female public figure, she knew that an army of creeps, weirdos, and wannabe stalkers coming out of the woodwork and trying to contact her was less a possibility than it was a certainty. 

From that perspective, arranging things with Megamind was for safety reasons.  Arguably, Roxanne was getting the better end of the deal by a long shot.

Of course, Megamind always did enjoy an argument.

For Megamind, that sort of incident could lead to being snapped in half (literally or metaphorically) before you could say  _ “This isn’t what it looks like!” _

Better all around to just avoid the situation in the first place..

It wasn’t worth mentioning. To anyone.

The fact that Megamind had-- on eight separate occasions-- turned off the cameras and immediately lent her his own cape when things went wrong? That wasn’t worth mentioning, either.

Roxanne never breathed a word to anyone about the fact that she still had one of Megamind’s capes hidden away in her apartment.

Red light.

There were a lot of things that Roxanne Ritchi didn’t talk about. 

The understanding she shared with Megamind was one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank @Joanhello for their generous help in beta-reading this chapter!
> 
> I would also like to thank everyone who's been commenting on my fic! This chapter exists, thanks to your continued kindness and support! Thank You so much!
> 
> ...Also. I would like some more comments, please. Comments make me happy!

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta-reader! I hope you enjoy this story!
> 
> Please, pretty-please leave a comment and let me know what you think!


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